Spring Branch Vatos vs. Juggernauts
I like the Juggernauts’ strategy a lot. The throw-anyone-with-a-pulse-at-the-league’s-worst-performing-defense plan will serve them well, but the Vatos, man (it helps if you say it using a Cheech accent) will be returning Romo and the Philly special teams unit to squeak out a 98-94 victory. Winner of this matchup writes up the previews for next week. Buy stock in the company that makes Pepcid NOW!!!
Btw, for anyone that wants to know what the hell I was thinking last week – I really thought the Tampa Bay defense was better than that. Didn’t they used to be? Anyhow, won’t be making that mistake again. Chad Pennington’s available to anyone with roster space.
Too Damn Lousy vs. My Vick In A Box
The matchups this week favor Vick, who happens to own the defense-designated-by-the-league-to-pile-up-on-the-Rams-this-week. Even after TDL activates his mystery tight end (psst, everyone, it’s Todd Heap), Vick should win early and often. Heap, AP and Matt Ryan won’t be enough for TDL to avoid an 114-89 trouncing. See, if you awarded more points per yard for returns, you could go fill up your W/R spots with kick returners. But that’s another topic for another year.
Wildcats vs. Carjacker
You know, I was leaning towards Carjacker in this matchup, until I looked at the defensive matchups. Tennessee might be the Wildcats’ high scoring, er, player against the flaccid Texans offense. Carjacker’s backs and receivers for the most part enjoy favorable matchups, but the defensive mismatch plus the general yuckiness of the Carjackers’ quarterback situation makes the Wildcats a 106-97 winner.
Tackle Me Elmo vs. Horn Supremacy
I’d really like to be able to pick Horn Supremacy. I’d like to pick them every week until the actual Longhorns lose an actual game. Maybe Braylon Edwards, Willie Parker and the Dallas defense aren’t all as bad as they appeared to be last week…but look for Darren Sproles and Chris Johnson to lead Elmo to a 111-95 victory.
If anyone would be willing to rename their team to Cougar Supremacy, I’m all over it.
House of Pain vs. Jacko’s Petting Zoo
Brady’s back!!!...and John Carlson is looking like a formidable tight end option. Unfortunately for the House, receiver play will be the key to this matchup. Look for Darrin Jackson and MJD (really sounds like a beer, doesn’t it?) to carry Jacko to a 119-109 win. Moral victory for the House if Josh Brown scores points.
Injured Reserve vs. Pure Misery
You can bring the smack all day long if you can back it up on the scoreboard, and since Misery seems to like writing the wrap-ups so much, he’ll get to do it again next week. Receiver play will be the key to this matchup as well, as Reggie Wayne and Santorio Holmes run up the score against IR to the tune of 120-90.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Week-1 Wrap Up
Pure Misery 135.14 vs. Juggernauts 109.68
This game looked much closer on paper but…that was the extent of it. The SWAMI called for a blowout and was right. It didn’t look good for Jugger after the first sets of games were done and they were behind by about 106 points. They could come back with 7 still to play in the Monday games. Then the Juggernaut’s put a lot of faith in the Bills to deliver them from misery by starting 4 players from their team. Trent Edwards was the only one to perform in a very close game with NE. The running backs Gore and Jackson had solid games but it is hard to beat the # 1 when only 3 players are living up to the hype. At least you had exciting games to watch if you stayed up late on Monday. Better luck next time.
Wildcats 109.44 vs. House of Pain 114.64
An exciting matchup given that Tom Brady was back and he brought in the win for House of Pain in the last 2 minutes of the game. Not surprising a sloppy Brady can still scores 26 point in a nail bitter. With Welker getting a cluster of catches he was able to outperform the pre-game estimates. For the Wildcats it was very hard to compete when the leading scorer on their team was the Defense (actually 2nd by .10). You would think the 1-2 punch of Warner and Fitzgerlad would be a solid winning combination but HOP and their TE sent the kitty to the litter box to lick their wounds. The Wildcats were the 4th leading score otherwise. Good Game.
Carjacker 83.98 vs. Spring Branch Vatos 93.20
Wow!! The upset of the week. The Vatos again show their disregard for doing what everyone else would do… They left Romo (32pts) on the bench to bring in Pennigton(9pts). Got lucky on that one. Carjacker had solid picks with LT and Cutler but neither even came close to par. All the stars were aligned for SB Vatos this week and I hope they learned a valuable lesson. Good Job.
Tackle Me Elmo 108.68 vs. Jacko’s Petting Zoo 108.00
This was the closes game of the week with only 0.68 pts separating the two teams. The final outcome hung on the San Diego – Oakland game. In the end TME held on to the slimmest of margins to take the win. I believe the Zoo could have won if only Santana Moss could have produced on the day but since he didn’t the Zoo looses a close one. Santana - I’m not where I’m supposed to be on the field - Moss was also the runner up in the Biggest Dud Award for Week-1 of the season. It was a close match between Moss and Anthony - Fumbles - Fasano but Fasano fumbled his way to victory. Congratulations Anthony on this week’s award.
Too Damn Lousy 109.28 vs. Horn Supremacy 107.32
This was the Swami’s marquee match for Week-1. The game seemed to hinge on who’s wide receiver core performed the worse but since both performed crappy that wasn’t the deciding factor. Drew Brees went off the hook for the Supremacy but that was covered by Adrian Peterson performance for TDL. No this one came down to defense and Supremacy’s defense was not up to the challenge. Maybe in next weeks home opener Dallas can watch the Jumbo-Jumbo-Tron in their new stadium and see what their opponents are doing so they can stop them. Not quite a nail biter but a good close game none the less. Anthony Fasano of TDL was this week’s winner of the Biggest Dud Award. Fasano had some serious competition from Santana Moss of Jacko’s Petting Zoo, but Fasano managed to hold on to the award if not the football. On a side note Stickum is pursuing Fasano as their next sports spokesperson; their hopeful that a before and after scenario will be their new add campaign.
Injured Reserves 93.64 vs. My Vick in a Box 86.38
The Swami called this one all the way. “Overall, MYiaB is the better team but the matchups favor IR this week. It’ll be close though.” With an outstanding performance by Randy Moss MYiaB had a slim chance but the balanced attack by IR was just a little better. So long as Brady is the quarterback for New England Moss should have a good season for MYiaB. The season is early but if the rest of the team doesn’t break out of the box in the next couple of games then MYiaB will be relegated to an also ran status. While IR won this week unless they setup big time next week they’ll be no match for the strong balanced attack of Pure Misery.
This game looked much closer on paper but…that was the extent of it. The SWAMI called for a blowout and was right. It didn’t look good for Jugger after the first sets of games were done and they were behind by about 106 points. They could come back with 7 still to play in the Monday games. Then the Juggernaut’s put a lot of faith in the Bills to deliver them from misery by starting 4 players from their team. Trent Edwards was the only one to perform in a very close game with NE. The running backs Gore and Jackson had solid games but it is hard to beat the # 1 when only 3 players are living up to the hype. At least you had exciting games to watch if you stayed up late on Monday. Better luck next time.
Wildcats 109.44 vs. House of Pain 114.64
An exciting matchup given that Tom Brady was back and he brought in the win for House of Pain in the last 2 minutes of the game. Not surprising a sloppy Brady can still scores 26 point in a nail bitter. With Welker getting a cluster of catches he was able to outperform the pre-game estimates. For the Wildcats it was very hard to compete when the leading scorer on their team was the Defense (actually 2nd by .10). You would think the 1-2 punch of Warner and Fitzgerlad would be a solid winning combination but HOP and their TE sent the kitty to the litter box to lick their wounds. The Wildcats were the 4th leading score otherwise. Good Game.
Carjacker 83.98 vs. Spring Branch Vatos 93.20
Wow!! The upset of the week. The Vatos again show their disregard for doing what everyone else would do… They left Romo (32pts) on the bench to bring in Pennigton(9pts). Got lucky on that one. Carjacker had solid picks with LT and Cutler but neither even came close to par. All the stars were aligned for SB Vatos this week and I hope they learned a valuable lesson. Good Job.
Tackle Me Elmo 108.68 vs. Jacko’s Petting Zoo 108.00
This was the closes game of the week with only 0.68 pts separating the two teams. The final outcome hung on the San Diego – Oakland game. In the end TME held on to the slimmest of margins to take the win. I believe the Zoo could have won if only Santana Moss could have produced on the day but since he didn’t the Zoo looses a close one. Santana - I’m not where I’m supposed to be on the field - Moss was also the runner up in the Biggest Dud Award for Week-1 of the season. It was a close match between Moss and Anthony - Fumbles - Fasano but Fasano fumbled his way to victory. Congratulations Anthony on this week’s award.
Too Damn Lousy 109.28 vs. Horn Supremacy 107.32
This was the Swami’s marquee match for Week-1. The game seemed to hinge on who’s wide receiver core performed the worse but since both performed crappy that wasn’t the deciding factor. Drew Brees went off the hook for the Supremacy but that was covered by Adrian Peterson performance for TDL. No this one came down to defense and Supremacy’s defense was not up to the challenge. Maybe in next weeks home opener Dallas can watch the Jumbo-Jumbo-Tron in their new stadium and see what their opponents are doing so they can stop them. Not quite a nail biter but a good close game none the less. Anthony Fasano of TDL was this week’s winner of the Biggest Dud Award. Fasano had some serious competition from Santana Moss of Jacko’s Petting Zoo, but Fasano managed to hold on to the award if not the football. On a side note Stickum is pursuing Fasano as their next sports spokesperson; their hopeful that a before and after scenario will be their new add campaign.
Injured Reserves 93.64 vs. My Vick in a Box 86.38
The Swami called this one all the way. “Overall, MYiaB is the better team but the matchups favor IR this week. It’ll be close though.” With an outstanding performance by Randy Moss MYiaB had a slim chance but the balanced attack by IR was just a little better. So long as Brady is the quarterback for New England Moss should have a good season for MYiaB. The season is early but if the rest of the team doesn’t break out of the box in the next couple of games then MYiaB will be relegated to an also ran status. While IR won this week unless they setup big time next week they’ll be no match for the strong balanced attack of Pure Misery.
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